urbancatfitters: hyperbole is my favorite literary device i use it like 600 times a day
riseandwrite: If you download music illegally in Jamaica does that make you A PIRATE OF THE CARIBBEAN 200% done
doctorheavenharkness: n0kil7ing: sevenseasaurus: Science experiment: Who is easiest to summon? Egberts? Pizza? John Green? A vegan? The only way to find out is to reblog and wait. Wait patiently. Just wait. It will be good I promise. fuck you vegans aren’t your source of entertainment you animal killers. and the vegan wins
colfricans: why have gender roles when you could have pizza rolls
hateruess: yo fuck anyone who doesn’t want you in their life and fuck anyone who treats you bad and fuck anyone who breaks your heart because they’re all fuckin losers and they’re definitely not worth your time because your time is precious and the only people who deserve it are people who treat you right and are nice and don’t lie to you and buy you ice cream.
cornchipz: awkwardcontent: Fun fact: Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb the anus forms before any other opening. Which basically means at one point you were nothing but an asshole. some people never develop beyond this stage
psychoticmist: if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
wonderingaboutfandoms: letyourjourneystart: According to chemistry, alcohol IS a solution.
unsuccessfulmetalbenders: narutoe: i farted in the apple store and everyone got mad but it wasnt my fault they don’t have Windows get out
sixthgunforlife: the-devils-beast: nicodoublele: when you have so many ideas, but no talent When you have so much talent, but no ideas When you have no ideas and no talent.
dylanliu: WHAT POKEMON IS LOW FAT YOU GUYS??????? BUTTERFREE
youreakingnotapawn: leonhesreallycool: rockpikmin: leonhesreallycool: DO NOT PUT ICE CREAM IN YOUR EYES WHY DID YOU PUT ICE CREAM IN YOUR EYES I WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WOULD JHURT SHORT ANSWER YES DONT would you say that it makes your eyes scream
I hate my roommate
I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my roommate. I hate my...
lanadelrevupthosefryers: CUTE THINGS TO DO ON A FIRST DATE: rob a daycare center recite the first 100 digits of pi fling poo at each other play dodgeball in the middle of a restaurant stare at each other for 5 days straight
pregnat420: toukos: austriasweden: toukos: héllo yés í ám spéákíng frénch *Bonjour. *Oui, *je *suis *parler *français ok congratulations u missed the joke good job you didnt even get it right jesus that’s embarrassing as fuck
virginitybandit: why suck at life when you can suck my dick
me: (out shopping, looking all fly with my Marvel comics tote bag featuring several characters)
dude: nice bag.
me: thanks. (keeps on shopping)
dude: do you even know who all those characters are?
me: uh... yeah?
dude: ok then, who's that guy? (points at a character on the bag)
me: wait, are you asking me to prove that I'm enough of a fan enough to carry this bag?
dude: (smirks) that's what I thought. He's called the Silver Surfer. I bet you don't even know his real name.
me: does it matter? (starts to edge away before I start punching throats)
dude: psh, you're not a real fan.
me: (slowly unsheathing my Wolverine claws)
me: how many pairs of chromosomes do humans contain in their cells?
dude: uh... what?
me: explain the function of cellular mitosis?
me: what is the purpose of myelin sheath with regards to the formation of new neural pathways?
dude: what are you even talking about?
me: oh, well it seemed that you were implying that if I don't know as much about the Marvel universe as you do, then I can't possibly be considered a real fan. This is me implying that because you don't know as much about the human body as I do, you can't possibly be considered a real human being.
dude: Um, I... wow. You're right. Have a nice day. (starts to shuffle away)
me: his name is Norrin Radd.
dude: (looks extremely embarrassed)
ibleedtheatre: fangirlingwithhazza: myversionofperfect: hyliam: they should invent a treadmill with a laptop built in and unless you were walking, the internet wouldn’t work like you had to be walking on it, you can’t just trick it and stand on the sides i would lose so much weight the faster you go the faster the wifi Now that’s motivation